Wednesday, October 21, 2009

I feel your pain

This is a letter to my sweet Karin:


Hi sweetheart. I hope you know how much I love you. I need to share with you some heartfelt thoughts. It may help you understand how you have greatly changed my life, in all ways possible.
When I was just a couple of years older than you, I knew something was different about me. I would feel sick after most things I would eat. I didn't understand why horrendous heartburn, chest pain, and trouble swallowing was a part of my daily life. Most people have no idea that I even have this problem, because it is so hard to explain. So I have kept it quietly locked away, in a place where I have given up hope that it could fixed. Until now...
Something changed almost two years ago. You started to get sick. In the course of a few months, you were very sick. I knew something was wrong. A healthy child does not throw up everyday. So the searching began. It finally ended with an answer to prayer. We saw a doctor who was able to scope your esophagus and find out what was wrong. This was entirely bittersweet. We finally found out what was hurting you, but knew it would be a long road to a normal life. Even now, you are not able to enjoy the foods other children can, but you have such a sweet approach to it all. I can count on one hand the times that you had trouble understanding. God has given you a very special gift, despite being dealt with a difficult journey.
The hardest part for me, was the thought that you were feeling my pain. I had always told the people I confided in, that I would not wish my problems upon my worst enemy. And I meant it. However, there you were, my baby, following the same path as I. Yet, you have taught me through this experience, that I have some hope. That there may be a name to what I have experiencing all of my life. That with help, I may finally feel good inside.
So, here I am, a week away from being internally scoped to get answers to my lifelong questions. If you can go through it twice so far, then I can surely follow in your footsteps, and endure it myself.
I must apologize in advance however, if the results are what the doctor expects. I am so sorry that somehow I have passed this trial to you. Although, I promise my love, that I will be there for you, to help keep you healthy. For you know, that above anyone, I have felt and know your pain. I love you so much more than you will ever know.
Love, Mommy

1 comment:

  1. Betsy,
    Your letter almost had me in tears. If my 2 little ones weren't distracting me while reading it, I would have been in tears. My heart is with you. I also battle something I would wish upon anybody and I would be so devastated is one of my children had to bear it. I pray that you find an answer and that healing comes to your body and to Karin's.

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