Friday, December 9, 2011
We are on the brink of some amazing things happening in our family. Things we have been waiting on for a long time. I don't think we could be any happier. We are NOT moving. That is not even a small possibility at this point. Thank heavens! I can give some hints, but nothing is set in stone yet. There are 2 life changing offers on the table:
One is a job.
One is a child.
And, no, I am not pregnant. :)
Sometimes God works in mysterious ways....
Thursday, December 8, 2011
There are words I do not want this beautiful girl to hear come out of my mouth. There is one is particular. A little F-word that many women speak over themselves each day. Fat. I have heard ridiculous stories of tiny girls worried about getting or actually being fat. It makes me so terribly sad. The last thing I want my daughter to think when she looks in the mirror is that she is not good enough. She has porcelain skin. Sweet freckles. Beautiful blue eyes. Brown curly hair. And a gorgeous heart. I want her to know that the her gentleness and kind words are more beautiful than any make-up she can apply. That her love for others is so much more important than what brands of clothes she wears. And most of all, to celebrate her able body instead of judging its shape. I know daughters look to their mothers as an example, and I long to be a healthy example for her. I am nowhere near perfect. I have carried three babies in my body so far. I have scars literally to prove it. My shape has changed so many times, it seems almost monthly! At this stage in my life, I wear "mom" clothes nearly every day, don make-up at the most twice a week, and cannot promise myself a shower each morning. I am a soft place to fall...especially in the very area she grew. But, that's okay. I want her (and I!) to know that it's okay. I think my value as a woman and as a person is not held by my outward appearance, but rather my character. The world sends many unhealthy messages to girls in particular. I want her to realize there is so much more than this. Yes, be healthy, but balance is healthy. So, at almost 5 years old, I do what I can now. I tell her she is beautiful, but I highlight how great it is to have a good attitude. I brush and style her hair, but tell her before school that "good work is hard work". She loves to wear colorful feminine clothes, but is expected to be respectful to everyone. I have the wonderful ability and privilege to help mold and encourage her morale on the inside, and lessen the emphasis of her appearance. So, I am proud to say she has never heard that dirty little F-word come out of my mouth. And I hope she never will!
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Tonight before cooking the kids dinner, we (the kids and I) watched the documentary Babies. I have watched this before and fell in love with it. I love the eye opening cultural differences in each family, and the base of each baby following the same trend. Like throwing fits, some which are hilarious I must say. Anyways, my children were captivated. They not once made a comment about the babies breastfeeding, probably because it is old news in this house. It doesn't even phase them anymore. We watched the entire film, and Karin wanted to play it again. I love that girl. We of course did not, and proceeded with our normal night routine. A routine that ultimately led me upstairs to my favorite place, where I can watch a baby sleep next to me.
Luke has been a fun one to observe so far. He is a great mix of the others' personality traits. He is active and social like Karin, yet tough and sensitive like Jeff. He has had issues with gas, but has not seemed to struggle with the same tummy issues as his siblings. This for obvious reasons seems to make an overall happier baby. Plus, he could not have come at a better time in my life. I found out I was pregnant with him at one of the most difficult times in my life. He was my gift. I believe that with all of my heart. These past 6 months with him have been almost like a dream. I thank God for him every day.
Now on a funny note....while finishing up this post, Karin had to come inform me that her legs hurt, and that she is probably growing big like me....I'm telling you, I can't even make this stuff up. She must have known I was talking about her. Oh, my children. My life would be so boring without them.
Monday, December 5, 2011
I have been thinking so much lately back to this very special day in April. The day we adopted our Isabel. This day was as momentous as each day I birthed Karin, Jeffrey, and Luke. I can't even express the emotions surrounding this event.
I met Isabel almost 2 years ago this month. The moment I saw her, I knew she was meant for me. She encompasses all of the characteristics of why I wanted to open my home for children. She is perfect in all of the imperfections others may see. I love her so much. Did I carefully watch my stomach grow with her developing body? No. Did I go through hours of labor, or endured a cesarean for her? No. Did I get to see her take her first breath? No. Did I soothe her while in and out of the hospital as an infant? No. Do we have the same skin color? No. Does that make me any less her mother? Not at all. I still get to hold her like a baby. I am able to watch every breath she takes now, and am there to soothe her while she is sick. She knows me as her mama. And she is every bit my daughter.
Children have a knack for teaching their parents life lessons. Isabel teaches me a lesson everyday. She can't walk or talk. She can't taste the foods we have come to love. I have watched Jeffrey surpass her development, and now Luke. They have grown, she has remained the same. But, she has a joy in her heart that shows complete satisfaction. I am proud to be her mother. And even though I was not there in the beginning, I will be there until the end.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Last month, we had a family photo shoot done. I was so excited. We have not had real family photos taken since I was largely pregnant with Jeff. It was wonderfully chaotic. With children, you never know what to expect. Thankfully, we ended up with some good ones! You would never know the funny wild things that happened in between shots. That's the beauty of pictures!
The things you do not have the privilege to see:
*Jeff running around like a monkey. We could barely catch him to get in the shot.
*Karin wanted to be in every photo. She LOVES the camera.
*Jerome and I fake laughing during our turn, but ended up giggling so much it hurt.
Arizona can provide the most beautiful natural backgrounds. The sunrises and sunsets can take your breath away. Yes, it can be very hot. Very hot indeed. Or in my case, bone-chilling cold in the winter. But, it is my home.
I am desert rat. Born and raised. I am not sure my body would know what to do long term in humidity. Let's hope I don't have to find out. With Jerome in the prospect of job searching, that has been thrown in as a possibility. A possibility that leaves me sick in the stomach. We shall see soon enough....
Friday, November 4, 2011
I was thinking today about how much pressure there is put on our expectations. What I have expected out of my experiences, versus the true reality of my situations. I usually begin every day with certain expectations of my day, subconciously of course.
Jeffrey will behave today.
I will do yoga for exactly one hour, and it will be awesome.
I will clean my house in its entirety, tackle the piles of laundry, and keep my children squeaky clean, all while looking my very best.
I will lose my temper only once today.
Jeffrey had sensed my behavior urgency, and it fed into his extra 2 year old energy.
I had time for yoga, but found it better use for it taking a quick nap, or eating lunch.
I cleaned parts of my house, washed some of my laundry, and kept my children clean of obvious spots, all while wearing the same outfit I slept in the night before.
I kept mostly calm until after finding Jeffrey had emptied the contents of his diaper out into his room....
See what I mean?? It is these type of misguided expectations that can make us feel like we are not living up to set standards. My reality is much more messy. Literally! Nobody really cares if my house is messy, my children are sticky, or if I look like I just rolled out of bed. Trust me, I have apologized too many times for these very things. :)
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Luke (Now 5 months)
Well now, I know.....it has been way too long since my last post. About a year and half. My goodness, what happened to me? Everything! Entirely, as it seems.
I still have my wonderful husband. He is quite the man. I can learn a lot of lessons from his unconditional, loving nature. He is on the down slope of school, and is in the throws of interviews. He is in hot demand; that smarty pants husband of mine. His knowledge of electronics makes my head spin, almost literally.
I still have 4 children. Just not the same 4...
There is one that is gone, but one that is new.
Lovely Karin: 4 years old, asks questions constantly, and is very emotional. She is in preschool and loves numbers like her dad. I love that girl. Her kind motherly tendencies make me smile. She still has enough energy to run a small village; I am slightly jealous. :)
Precocious Jeff: 2.5 years old, accident prone, and has the hardest head of a child I have ever seen. He goes head first into everything, and I don't mean figuratively. He is cautious while being adventurous. I don't know how he does it. Not to mention he has the cutest and naughtiest smile when he does not want to listen. But, he loves like no other child of mine. When he loves, he really loves.
Sweet Isabel: 5 years old, adopted officially in April, and was born to be in my family. She has the most contagious giggle you have ever heard. She is in Kindergarten and is working so hard. She amazes me with her abilities all of the time. Developmentally 3-6 months of age, I lovingly refer to her as my "big baby". The day I adopted her was just as special as giving birth. She is mine, and I am hers, always.
Little Luke: 5 months old, a "mama's boy" to the max, and has the sweetest smile that melts my heart into butter. He looks so much like Jeff that it is almost scary. Nearly every moment with him has been sheer bliss. He is so content and knows his place in this family. He eats up every bit of attention from anyone who gives it, and I love that. He was absolutely the most wonderful gift saved for just the perfect time.
We are currently waiting on the sidelines for another foster child.
I am just looking forward to that phone call. Every child needs a mama...
I now do shift work on the weekends for my mom's foster children, and love every minute of it. I can't believe I have been a nurse now for over 7 years. You have a tracheostomy question?? I am your girl. A few week days, I watch a baby boy who was born on the same exact day as Luke. They are best buds, and are adorable together. I still love babies. Nothing has changed there. :)
We moved last summer to a bigger house to accommodate the size of our growing family. I love my house. Our bedroom is the only room upstairs, and is like my safe haven. It is so quiet and is my ultimate favorite room, ever! I am probably the biggest homebody if there ever was one. I love being home, in my comfy clothes, surrounded by my family.
We are blessed to get a new beginning every morning, which I am so grateful for. There are moments in the last year I would change, most I would not. But regardless, I have my beautiful family, my health, and my life.
I plan to live that life with my convictions, staying true to who I am, while I walk in my calling.
God is so good and his promises are true. I am an example of that.