Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Ah, babies. They are on my mind all of the time. Not only the ones I care for now, but the ones I have yet to meet. I have been told that I will "know" when I am done. Well I know that...I am not even near being done! That makes me a little scared! When will it stop?? I most often forget that I still have a baby, Let alone 4! Although now may not be the time, I will be ready when it is. Watch out, World! (and my dear husband...) The baby FEVER is back... And it burns!
Saturday, March 13, 2010
To my natural born children,
I love you with all of my heart, literally. Sometimes it breaks for you, for both good and bad things. You are a part of me that I cannot separate from. Even though you both have your own bodies and little spirits now, I feel as though we are still woven together through some beautiful unexplained connection. I hope you both know how much I adore you. I delight in even the smallest thing if it is done from you. My heart beats faster if I know I am going to be reunited with you after the smallest break. You are my life. You drive me to become a better mother and woman everyday. Though I long to teach you, you have taught me more than I even knew possible. My life changed Karin, when I saw your sweet face. And again, Jeffrey, my world was opened up even more when your spirit came into this world. I never imagined I could love like that again. No matter what we go through, you both have touched my life so deep it is even hard to put into words. Just know this... when you sleep, I watch over you; when you wake, I am with you; years from now, you will always have a soft place to fall. I love you.
To my sweet foster girls who needed a mom,
You both have no idea how much meaning you gave my life. I have waited for you for a long time, even when I did not know it. You are meant to be in my house. I am meant to be your mom, even if for a short time. You have brought out the qualities I never knew I had inside of me. You have made it easy to love you. I know I never carried you inside of my body; I was not the first one who saw your face, or held your fragile frame. But I am the one who is here now. I will provide all that you need, for as long as I am needed. You will always be in my heart. You will always have a home. You will always have a mom. I love you very much.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Karin has started dance classes. This is something I am very excited about. I have nonchalantly said for years I would love to get her in them to better channel her very high level of energy. And it works! She is on the go for 45 minutes straight. She loves it, and I get the biggest kick out of watching her.
To top off a big year for her, she will be starting full time school in August. Surprisingly, I am very calm about this next step. It sounds like such a big jump for a 3 year old, but she is one child who will thrive in it. It is a Montessori School within walking distance of my house. She is a constant learner; one who craves knowledge, and I cannot wait to see her grow with it.
Our sweet dogs have found new homes permanently now. There is an eery stillness without the natural sounds of pets around the house. It feels like something is missing. But, I know in time, we may see some good health changes come from it.
We are trying out a "new" church at this time. One that is much closer to our house. We are actually back to our roots, where we first met (aww!). Formally Word of Grace, City of Grace has become our new church home. There have been so many changes since our long goodbye several years ago. It again, is refreshing. The kids seem to love it. Proximity was becoming a growing problem the more our family expanded. Which has increased at an alarming rate! No changes there at this time. But, that can switch at any time. :)
My diet has changed. This has probably been the most bittersweet change of all. I love food. There are no surprises there. One day, a couple months ago, the only thing I had to eat that entire day were homemade chocolate chip cookies. Honestly! I don't think my health could afford many days like that! But, it was changed due to identifying several food allergies. I have noticed a difference, which has been great. The best thing of all is to be able to cook for Karin and I both. I make entire meals with ingredients we both can have. She loves it! I have not seen her happier when it comes to food.
It is amazing how things are in different stages of life. Maybe that is what is happening! We are entering a new phase, a new chapter, where even I don't have the luxury of seeing. Although, I am sure anyone can agree, it would be nice to be in on the secret. I guess this is where true faith gets put to the test, where I trust my maker in whatever lies in front of me! And the best always comes from that! Amen!
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
This is a picture during my lovely sister's Wedding on Valentine's Day. I was put together. Wearing foundation (which I never wear anymore), and red lipstick to match my pointy red shoes. It was fun to get dressed up. However, three days later, I look a little different. I am a mess! Almost a pathetic mess. :)
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Perfection and beauty are subjective, I have found. I love my job. It is the greatest in the world. I am a nurse, yet able to work at home with my very medically involved foster children. There is nothing that suits me better. I feel so blessed that I have met so many wonderful people that I would have not in other circumstances. And of course, I get to make a difference (hopefully!) in the life of a child. Especially a child who no other person would want or could take care of. It is a challenge for me, and I am growing in so many ways.
As consumed as this world is with perfection, my world is consumed with imperfection. My foster children have imperfections... literally. They have body parts that cannot function normally like mine do. There are machines and equipment used regularly to help them move through their daily life. This is a necessity, not a luxury. It brings my perception back down to earth. Though I do not have a perfect body, at least I have working legs to help me walk, and arms that can easily stretch over my head. I can breathe with ease, and am able to see all the vibrant colors that this world offers. I cannot say this for my children. But they are wonderfully happy, and bring such beauty to my life. They were made to be exactly how they are, including their limitations. They are perfect to me.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Karin was so worried about her hair. She asked to see herself, several times. After I took her in the bathroom, she carefully inspected the top of her head. I think the poor thing thought that her hair was gone. She was very upset with Jeffrey. Truth be told, I would be too, because he is probably the best hair puller in the Southwest. I will feel very sorry for all of the little girls in his Elementary School, because they will never see it coming. Anyways...we came in from outside, and I was busy in one of my foster daughter's room, when Rosie told me that Karin was limping. She had a splinter in her foot. As if she already hadn't been through enough, we spent about a half an hour trying to get the splinter out. I think she thought the needle and tweezers were torturing devices. They scared her to death. She screamed and cried so hard her stork bites from birth reappeared on top of her eyelids. They disappeared in her first year, and only make an appearance when she is horribly upset. Happy to report she recovered, but not without making it a very dramatic afternoon, as she tends to do. The proof is in the pictures above...
Monday, February 8, 2010
He has the most gorgeous eyes I have ever seen. Today he was flirting with all the nurses. He does it better than any baby I have encountered. All it takes are those eyes and his dimples.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Pretty much since his first week of life he has been having tummy problems. With our very apparent history of Eosinophilic Esophagitis, my motherly instincts have had to be put on overdrive. I want to catch it early, if possible, to avoid a similar experience of myself, and Karin.
On Thursday, he had a test done at the hospital to check for any physical causes for his vomiting/discomfort. We had proof that he has indeed been refluxing. Our hope is that it stops there. But, if he does have EE, we will take the steps to keep it at bay. This wouldn't be my first rodeo...
In the meantime, we will continue to take it one day at a time!